Locus of Control:Your Mental Health Superpower

Imagine this: You're juggling flaming swords, riding a unicycle, trying to file your taxes, and also coping with the fact that it just started raining existential dread. 

Why does one person turn this circus act into a graceful trapeze routine… while another collapses into a puddle of tears?

Surprise! It’s not talent. It’s not IQ. It’s not luck. 

It’s about control.

Specifically: How you think about control.

A Tale of Two Mindsets

Those who rise like phoenixes from the ashes of chaos tend to know one thing by heart:You can’t always control what life throws your way, but you always, always get to choose how you respond.

This isn’t just wisdom fit for fortune cookies. It’s real psychology. And it starts with a concept that’s both deceptively simple and secretly powerful…

Locus of Control

Though it has the ring of a spell, it’s actually Psychology 101. Locus of control is a psychological term that refers to how much control you believe you have over the events in your life. It was first introduced by psychologist Julian Rotter in the 1950s and has since become a very important concept in helping people change and thrive.

The Helplessness Mindset (External Locus of Control)

People with this mindset unwittingly cast themselves as victims of external forces. They say things like:

• “She made me mad.”

• “The weather ruined my day.”

• “My bad mood is totally out of my hands.”

  
  

This way of thinking makes your emotions feel like a runaway rollercoaster that someone else is steering, which of course, is exhausting.

The Autonomy Mindset (Internal Locus of Control)

Then there’s the other kind. People who believe:

• “I decide how I respond.”

• “Nobody controls my happiness but me.”

• “I may not run the world, but I do run my inner world.”

  
  

This isn’t toxic positivity. It’s not about denying hardship. It’s about owning your choices, reclaiming your power, and maybe even rewriting the story mid-drama - even when triggered!

Where Does This Stuff Come From?

Blame your childhood! (Kidding...kind of.)

If you grew up with love, support, and co-regulation of your emotions, you likely lean toward internal control.

But if life tossed you into chaos early or taught you to distrust your own feelings? You might gravitate toward the helplessness mindset.

The good news? You’re not stuck.

Locus of control is a spectrum, and you can shift along that spectrum—with a little intention, repetition, and a good measure of self compassion. And, if a helplessness mindset has its roots in childhood trauma, then therapy targeted at this trauma might significantly help.

Getting Started: Think Like This to Shift Your Control (Gently)

Beliefs to plant like magic beans:

• “I get to choose my response.”

• “Nobody gets to decide my mood but me.”

• “I have more power than I sometimes believe.”

• “If I can’t change it, I don’t need to waste energy on it.”

  
  

Don’t chant them in the mirror (unless you’re into that). Just hold them close. Whisper them to your brain when it’s spiraling. Your neurons will notice and start to wire in pathways that serve a sense of autonomy rather than a sense of victimhood.

Two Magic Questions:

"Who do I want to be?"

In IFS parlance, this question opens up "self energy." When self energy is flowing, we get in touch with character qualities that arise even (maybe especially!) in difficult situations. Maybe upon reflection, someone feeling helpless because of a disagreement with their partner realizes that instead of being automatically pouty, they want to be....

Curious about their part in the drama

Forgiving

Connected

Able to protect their vitality with boundaries

Able to name tender feelings compassionately and without blame

Realizing how and who one wants to be helps them approach the next question with capacity, curiosity and courage...

“Can I do anything about this right now?”

This question is your map and your exit strategy out of the hamster wheel of anxiety.

If the answer is no:

Write it down and toss it (I suggest Expressive Writing – see my other blog post on this)

Sleep on it.

Get curious about your initial reaction (does it align with who you want to be or does it point to an old wound that needs healing?).

Let it go (Yes, way harder than it sounds, but easier with practice and the help of a trusted other).

Go for a walk in nature.

Worrying when you can’t act is like rewatching a horror movie with the hope it’ll end differently. It won’t. Don’t torment yourself.

If the answer is yes:

Take action—however small, this will build self confidence.

Take a few deep breaths.

Make a list.

Make the call.

Go for a walk in nature.

Start the project.

Do the tiny (or big) thing that helps someone or something else.

And finally: Reclaim Your Inner Compass

Responsibility isn’t a burden—it’s a gift. Choosing an internal locus of control is a quiet act of rebellion against a world that thrives on selling us helplessness.

It’s choosing your own narrative and quality of your own character (pun intended). It’s the difference between surviving and thriving.

So ask the questions. Take the reins. And remember…

You’re the author of your own plot twist: You get to respond rather than unconsciously react.